You might want to look for a model of a person who has lots of relationships. Perhaps you know somebody like that, and you have been tempted to think,

"If I follow their example and do things the way they do it, I would get the same results?"

How do you become popular and famous? Most of the time we envy that popular and famous person. We wish they would just drop off the end of the earth.

If you are to look for a model, there is only one person really that you can trust to be a true model.

How did Jesus get people to follow Him? He didn't seem to have a problem with that. He almost had to turn away and escape from them sometimes. Eventually He decided to choose 12 out of them, otherwise they would have mobbed Him.

You Need Grace

How do you get that kind of popularity and that kind of following? It all lies in one simple word - grace. I want you to go back to the Scripture I shared at the beginning which said,

Leading to the praise of the glory of his grace, in which he has made us highly favored in the Beloved [one].

The original King James Version translated the words highly favored as accepted in the Beloved [one] which is Jesus.

What does it mean to be accepted? It means to have favor with somebody else. And do you know that the word favor in the original Greek language is the Greek word charis, which most of the time is translated as grace?

So, you need to understand what this grace is. Because if you want to have favor and if you want to create favor with people, you need to understand how grace works.

For some people grace is just a big theological word. They say,

"We are saved by grace you know."

What does that mean? Some people go overboard and think that grace means,

"I can live however I like. It doesn't matter."

Other people swing to the other end and say,

"All these hyper grace people are leaving out sin. They are not preaching against sin and judgment."

We then get the fiery, hell fire and damnation preachers who want to condemn everybody to hell. They make you sink lower in the seat as they preach, because you think they are preaching right at you.

Have you been in those churches? I grew up in one of them. And you know what? That preacher is not someone you want to go and greet afterwards. They are not someone you want to get too close to. You feel uncomfortable next to them, don't you?

There is your first sign of what it takes to build relationships. It takes grace; not condemnation.

Grace Makes You Gracious

What is the first thing we do when we meet somebody? Men and women react differently. They say that guys just notice a couple of things about another guy. A woman however notices everything about another woman.

She says, "Just look at that disgusting fat! Look at her hair and her ugly shoes."

We can be so critical. Come on, how often do we meet somebody and think,

"Wow, what wonderful qualities this person has."

But we always look for the negative. We always look for something we can put the person down with. You know why? Because ultimately if they are too good, they will be a challenge to us.

We would rather they were below us. It is human nature to do that. It is sinful and very selfish.

If you want to understand the word grace, you need to extend it into another word which you do understand. Even in English we don't really understand what the word grace means. For most of us it is a woman's name. That is about as close as it comes.

But do you know what gracious means? Can you visualize a gracious person? You see we can do that. We say,

"That person is very gracious and considerate."

You see that is what grace does to a person. It makes them gracious. It makes them respond to others differently and have a good attitude.

Grace Means Undeserved Favor

In Greek the word charis means undeserved favor. In other words, you are being favored and looked upon more positively, even though you don't deserve it.

That is God's grace. It is undeserved favor. The Scripture says,

God showed his love, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.

You see He gave us favor when we did not deserve it. So, from God's point of view we love His grace. We love to say,

"I am saved by grace. The Lord accepts me just the way that I am."

He gave the best that He had for us, even though we were His enemies.

No Condemnation With Jesus

Do you know that the love of Jesus is totally uncondemning and non-judgmental? Jesus said,

I did not come to condemn the world, but to save it.

A lot of us know that in our heads. But sometimes we haven't even experienced His grace. And sometimes it is the preacher's fault because they are always telling us what God demands of us.

I have shared my story many times, but the first time I ever met Jesus in the Spirit, as I stood before Him, I didn't know what to say. I said,

"Lord, I am just concerned about believers that served you once and they have grown cold and fallen away."

He said, "Les, what makes you think I love them less than you?"

I felt ashamed at first, but then He was showing me something. He was showing me,

"My love does not depend on anything that you can be or do. It is unconditional."

Even at times when I failed Him, He was never ever there with a condemning word.

If God has used you to give prophetic words and you have been in the Spirit and have given true prophetic words. I'm not just talking about giving words of encouragement, but yes even that.

Does God ever say anything negative in a prophetic word? When was the last time you heard somebody prophesy?

"Thus, says the Lord, I'm very angry with you people. You make me mad."

I have never heard it yet. And if somebody does that, I will tell them to shut up because that is not prophecy. Prophecy is always motivation and always encouragement.

When you move into Prophetic Office, and you start giving directive words to people that are more pointed, you meet somebody, and you assess them. You make your judgment and think,

"This is a pretty carnal Christian here. I don't know if they will ever amount to much. They have so much in their lives that you can see is not of God."

You say to them,

"Let's have a word of prayer. Thus, says the Lord, behold my child you are special to me. I'm so proud of you. I'm going to use you in a wonderful way."

I stop and I think,

"Lord, have we got the right person here? Are you sure?"

You see He always has something good to say. He always has a wonderful promise to give.

When you get to know Him in the Spirit and you get to hear His voice, whether it be in a prophetic utterance or through journaling or just hearing His voice, you will always hear words that say,

"I love you. You are special to me. I would die for you all over again."

That is grace.

Effect of Grace

What effect does grace have? It makes us respond positively. The Scripture says in 1 John 4:19,

We love him, because he first loved us.

We don't love Him because He demanded it of us. We don't love Him because of what we will get out of it, as though we will bribe Him and twist His arm.

But because He first loved us, His love and His grace influenced us, and we cannot help but respond back again in love. We can't help ourselves.

Grace Makes You Work Hard

Grace motivates us to action. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:10,

But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace directed towards me was not a waste of time; but I worked harder than all of them: yet not me, but the grace of God that was with me.

You see grace makes us work harder. It makes us more committed. Some people say that the grace teaching makes people live loose lives. Because they say,

"If God loves us and we are saved by grace, we can do whatever we like. He is not going to judge us, so I might as well go and live like the devil."

Well if you understand grace it doesn't do that to you. If somebody makes a sacrifice for you, you kind of feel like you owe them.

They didn't demand it. They gave you unconditional love. Maybe they even gave their life or risked their life for you. But now you feel obligated to that person. You can't help it.

Grace Gives You Favor With People

Grace produces favor with other people. In Acts 2:46 and 47 it says,

And they, continuing daily with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, ate their food with gladness and oneness of heart,
Praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.

What made those people come in? They found something they had never seen before.

They said, "Here is a bunch of people who love and care, and they actually listen. These are people who give out and care about my needs. They don't just think about themselves, but they have given out freely. I want to hang around with a crowd like that."

You couldn't keep those people away. Maybe I'm not giving enough grace out there, otherwise our meeting hall would be full. I would like to see it happen like the early church, where the Lord was adding to the church daily.

If that happened, we would need more space. We would need more houses and more meetings. I believe that if the Body of Christ would catch this, it would just explode! We wouldn't be able to keep the people away.

So, we can use God's grace to build relationships. Jesus' grace made people love Him and follow Him. And if we would manifest God's grace to others, it would get others to love us and follow us.

Accept People as They Are

How do you do this? How do you show grace to others? The first thing you need to do is to accept them as they are, without demanding anything from them. Don't give them a message that says,

"I would like you if you were different. But you are not part of my social group. You don't do things like me and you don't fit in with me, so I'm not comfortable with you."

Isn't that often what we communicate to people? We say,

"I don't have time to get involved in your affairs. And I don't want to listen to your sob stories and your problems, because I have enough problems of my own thank you."

Just accept people the way they are, without demanding anything and without saying,

"I will accept you if you do this."

Or, "I would accept you, but (this is not acceptable)."

You might say to me,

"I don't do that."

Don't you? I do and I am free to admit it. But I also have a problem. Because I have been a trainer for so long, it is my job to see things in people that need to be corrected.

I got so busy being the trainer and helping people to overcome their problems, that all I ever saw was the wrong things. People revered me, they respected me and feared me, but they didn't want to be around me. I will deal with that aspect again shortly.

Is that the way you want it to be? No, I think all of us want people to be drawn to us. We want people to desire to be with us, to follow us and to love us. I believe that is what God wants.

So, the first thing you must do is accept people. Practice doing this the next time you meet a new person. Look at them and think,

"I am going to accept you just the way you are, with your ugly hair, your dowdy clothes and that scowl on your face."

You can include whatever else you can find that you don't like. Think to yourself,

"I am going to accept you just the way you are, because Jesus loves you just the way He loves me. Therefore, I have no right to do anything but love you the same way - just the way you are."

That is not going to be easy, but are you prepared to do that? I will show you a little more how to make it easier.

Show People Recognition

The next thing you must do is show them recognition. That means you must find something about them that is good.

This one is even more difficult isn't it? But, it really doesn't take much to do it. Find something about the person that impresses you. You may need to look hard to find something.

Maybe it is the way she is dressed. Perhaps it is the necklace she has around her neck or the way she did her hair. Or maybe it is the tie he is wearing.

Find something to honestly compliment the person on. Don't just say something to flatter them.

Say, "I really like the way you do your hair. What hairdresser do you go to? It looks so good."

Say something small; something that makes the person feel good about themselves.