Chapter 1 - Why You May Still Be Single

Foreword

Finding a marriage partner was never easy for me. Yet as I look back now, with a history of having been married twice, and being married now to the most wonderful woman in the world, I thank the Lord for His help.

I know what it is like as a young single to agonize over the loneliness, while all your friends are going out with members of the opposite sex, and finding happiness.

I know what it is like to lose the person you have loved for 16 years; to find yourself all alone in the middle years and having to start all over again.

I know what it is like to hang out with a couple and always feel you are the odd one out; to attend the weddings of others and wish it was your turn.

I know what it is like to eat out alone and watch couples at the tables all around you, while you stand out as the only single in the room.

But I also know what it is like to see the Lord miraculously provide the life partner that you have cried out for. To build the most wonderful marriage  – a true experience of heaven on earth.

I would like to show you the principles that the Lord taught me and which I believe have caused me to experience the true wonders of having found God's perfect match.

Les D. Crause
Apostle and Founder
Global Business Ministries International
July 2012

Chapter 01 – Why You May Still Be Single

The title of this book is Finding God's Perfect Match, and my goal is to make sure that by the time you have finished reading and applying the principles, you will indeed no longer be single.

So if you're single this teaching is for you. But if you are married, you could probably also benefit from it, because you've probably forgotten what it was like to be single, and you likely have forgotten why you got married in the first place.

I find that as I've gone through some of these principles for singles, it has challenged me afresh to appreciate and understand how important and how wonderful marriage is.

So I believe this teaching will benefit anybody, male or female, single or married. But it's designed especially for you if you are single.

Here is a great Scripture, especially if you read it in the GBM Version of the Bible. It is from Proverbs 18:1 and it says:

A man who keeps to himself and seeks only his own desires, goes against all possibilities of success.

Solomon wasn't speaking specifically about singles, but I think that this is a pretty good scripture to apply to a person who is trying to find a marriage partner.

Simple Questions to Ask

If you are single, I would like to ask you a simple question: Why are you still single? It's a question you have probably been asking yourself for many years.

Let me give you a couple of suggestions.

Probably the reason you are still single is because you are not yet ready for marriage. I'm sure you were not wanting me to say that were you?

With the right ingredients, marriage should take place naturally, automatically, without you even trying. So if you are failing to find a marriage partner, and you have been desiring one, probably the reason you haven't found one yet, is because you are not yet ready for marriage.

Now, that might sound like bad news, but I am going to give you some good news shortly. I will show you how to prepare yourself, and get ready for marriage.

If you do this correctly, the chances are that marriage will take place very easily, very quickly, and in the right way.

Like A Job Interview

Have you ever been for a job interview? When you went to try and find a job, did you walk in there all arrogant and proud thinking this?

"I'm really going to grill these people to make sure that they give me the right kind of benefits that I want"

Did you walk in there with a full list of questions that you wanted to ask your prospective employer? You were planning to hit him with one after the other, until he bowed to you and said,

"Okay I will give you what you want."

No, you usually sit down and think about all the things you are good at. You discover all your talents and wonderful abilities. And if you really want the best job, you develop those abilities.

You go to college at night and study, or you do apprenticeships. You do all sorts of things to become the best at what you do.

And then you write out your long C.V. (They still call it C.V. in some places. In other places they call it a Résumé.)

You write out this long résumé, and in there you write down every last detail of all the things you are good at. You hope that maybe you might just impress them enough, that they will give you the job instead of somebody else. And when you succeed, you think,

"Wow this is wonderful. I got the job."

You get excited and go and tell everybody about it.

When we come to trying to find a marriage partner, we often try it the other way around. We say,

"I need to go and find a person out there who matches what I want; a person who is suitable and the kind of person that I think I could live with for the rest of my life. He must have this, this and this."

"She has to have that, that and that."

Then you make it clear what is not acceptable. You make this whole big list, none of which you are offering, but what you demand from somebody else. And you put yourself up on the singles site, and you say,

"This is the kind of person I am looking for."

Well how many jobs are you likely to get if you took that approach? So you are still single. I wonder why?

Discover, Develop and Present Your Talents

Could it be that you have failed to discover your talents; to develop them, present them, and sell them to a suitable prospect? That's where most single people fail. 

You see it's the same with believing for success. You have this goal that one day you will be a millionaire, you will drive in this kind of car, you will live in that kind of house. And all the time you are thinking,

"My circumstances are going to change. Everything else is going to change. Everything I want and desire is coming to me, but I will still be me. I will not need to change.

"I will stay the same miserable, rotten useless nobody that I ever was. And the money will make all of the difference. Because even though I am still a big time loser, at least I will have money, and everybody will now sit up and take notice."

It's the same with marriage. You say,

"If I can just go and find out the perfect guy who will match me, do what I require and meet all my needs and desires, then things will be fine."

The same thing goes for a man looking for a wife. But must I change? No, I don't change. I have to change the other person.

Do you know the old joke they always tell at the weddings called I'll Alter Him? I will share it here in case you haven't heard it.

The bride was preparing for her wedding day and she was very nervous about getting it right. So the minister said to her,

"There are just three things that you must concentrate on. First, when you arrive at the church you have to walk down that aisle.

"Then as you walk down that aisle, just keep your eyes on the altar at the front of the church, and walk and come and stand in front of the altar. Once your groom joins you, the minister will invite everyone to sing a hymn."

So as she stood at the church and got ready to walk inside, she said to herself,

"Aisle, altar, hymn." Or more likely, "I'll alter him."

A lot of people go into marriage that way. They say,

"I'm not going to change. I'll find somebody who is pliable, who I can change to make into what I want. I will make him into the perfect husband."

Or, "I will make her into the perfect wife."

A lot of people find somebody like that. But that's when the trouble begins. And that's why most marriages end up in the divorce courts.

Prepare Yourself First

You should not be trying to prepare him or her, because you can't do that yet - you haven't even met. What you have to do is to start preparing yourself.

You are the one who must change. If you don't change, then even if you do get married, you could end up in divorce. Or you will live a miserable life.

Sure, you found somebody who was prepared to accept you. Sure you found somebody who may have even met what you required. But do you meet what that person required?

Marriage is not two people living their own lives in the same house. Marriage is a partnership. Marriage is a unity. It is two people becoming one.

Why is it so important? It is:

• Because there is more at stake than your future happiness. The Kingdom of God is at stake
• Because the Kingdom of God is founded upon the family
• Because God works in a team
• Because God works when a husband and wife come together and become one

God takes what is in the two of them, combines it together, highly multiplies it and amplifies it, and great power comes forth.

If you marry the wrong person that will not happen. You might spend the next 20 years trying to make a good marriage, but you will not be of much use to God or to man. So get it right from the beginning.

You say, "Yes I need to get it right. I need to find the right partner. So now I'm very nervous about getting the wrong person. I've been through 20 guys, and just none of them seem to feel right."

Did you consider the fact that maybe you are the one who wasn't right? What is the key?

The Three D's

Preparing yourself means you have to use the three D's. I love using the same letter for principles. They give you hooks to hang them on. Here are the 3 D's.

• Firstly you must discover your gifts.
• Secondly you must develop your gifts.
• And thirdly, you must demonstrate your gifts.

If you don't apply the three D's, marriage will not work. So let's have a look at them next. We will start in the next chapter with Discovering Your Gifts.